You say I’m your princess & that I’m very important to you. You say you want to be ten times better than any other guy. Your words & your actions don’t always match up. Some days I feel like I’m at the bottom of your list, & I’m okay with that. Just don’t get frustrated when I refuse to let you rescue me. I’ve been rescuing myself for ages now. I want you to rescue me, but until everyday matches I can’t let you. This is my heart you’re playing with.
It hasn’t been terribly long, but it feels like an eternity some days. We fell into this thing head first, despite my worries about doing that. Now it’s hard for you to understand that I need to do things a little differently if I’m gonna keep you around for a long time. You think that since we never see each other we should talk all the time. You know I love that you’re only a text away any time of day, and our crazy long phone calls at night always make me smile. Don’t take this wrong, but I need my space. I need to know that when I want to go out with friends, and I get busy with laughing and catching up, you’re not worried that I’ve forgotten you. I need you to understand I’ll never forget you, but I might put the people I’m face-to-face with first for a little while. Sometimes, I want to not talk to you or anyone else. There are gonna be times where all I want is a good book. Know that my strong stubborn and independent streak will always mean days where I step back and need plenty of space. Despite that, I still care about you, and will always want to fall asleep listening to you talk. Really, it can only help our conversations if we don’t spend all day texting.
So it’s been a little crazy and a little rough, but we’re almost over this one. I know it’s something you’ll never understand, but it had to be handled and it’s just about done. In a day or two, we can handle the other little things that have gathered on the side lines.
Please know that I’m not gonna let you go. I just have to pick up the pieces I’ve dropped in the past.
The quiet moments are the worst. They’re the ones where I wish you were here to share them with me, and wonder if you ever will.
Sometimes I wonder if we really understand each other. When I say things like “forever” and “no matter what” I don’t mean when it’s convient to me; I mean whenever you need me for as long as you need.